Dear Younger Self...

Tonight I was going through some old journals reminiscing a little mostly just curious what I wrote when I was younger. Two things I want to share:
First, the first line of a journal entry said "I think I am becoming a feminist because it seems to be that the root of all problems are men." I laughed a TON when I read this. I must have been in a really bad mood when I wrote that. I am not a feminist. Sure I believe in women's rights, and treating them with respect and that women can do a lot of things that. However I think that chivalry is important, if a man is willing to open a door for a women, hold their things, and help them in various ways, than let them. I don't feel as if I need the priesthood to make me feel equal to men in the church. I know that that women and men receive the same beautiful blessings, if they are faithful. I wish I could go back and tell myself "that men are NOT 'the root of all problems' and that you are not a feminist."
Second I found some questions that made me smile. I asked these questions not sure when, I think from young women's sometime. Probably beehives, judging by the handwriting. The entry is titled "Questions about my life I will answer later." Well later is now, so here you are younger me, answers to these questions.
*Will I go on a mission?
Yes, past self, you will. You will serve in the Oregon Portland mission from December 2011-June 2013 and you will love it! It will be the hardest thing you have ever done, and you will miss your family like crazy, but you will love it! You will meet amazing people who will change your life, you will have companions that become sisters, you will knock on hundreds of doors and get hundreds of no's but several "yes's." you will see miracles and you will be a part of some of those miracles, you will laugh, you will cry, you will feel exhausted a lot of the time, but it will all be worth it! It will a great time of your life! Your testimony will grow in leaps and bonds and you will gain a greater appreciation for your family specifically your parents. Yes, young Lena, you will love your mission and be ever thankful you served. 
(On a side note, I NEVER planned on serving a mission, so I'm not sure why I asked that question. However it's interesting that I did ask it. I'm really glad I served, and I'm glad that the Spirit finally convinced me too.)
*What will I do when I grow up?
Well at the moment you are planning on doing what you've always wanted to do, teach. You are going to school at UVU in your second semester. You were going to be a theater teacher, but switched back to elementary ed. You also want to teach special education, but UVU doesn't offer that degree, so your planning on lots of school to do it. Just keep going, school isn't easy, but it's worth it...right? :)
*Why do I act the way I do sometimes?
I'm not sure what you mean by this question, but I think I understand, sometimes you do stupid things, and make mistakes. Sometimes you get really excited about something and end up acting a little wild. That's ok. It's you. You aren't perfect, but you are striving to become better just as the gospel of Jesus Christ teaches. Just remember that you are a daughter of Heavenly Father, He loves you very much. Because you are His daughter, you are a Princess, and if you are faithful you have the promise of becoming a Queen. You have the power within you to do great things, and with God, nothing is impossible; remember that. If you do stupid things, don't forget about the power of the Atonement, through it you can be cleansed; and your stupidity will be forgotten, at least by Heavenly Father. You will have to suffer consequences, but you will learn from them and become better. Don't worry about what others think about you, it doesn't matter. And you will have to work on this, continually, even now. Just be good, choose the right, serve others, and you will be just fine.
*What will I do now to prepare for the future?
I'm not sure what exactly you did then to prepare for the future, but I can think of a few things. You finally decided it was time to read the scriptures on your own every day no matter what, and you did just that your senior year of high school. You would read every night a few verses, no matter how late it was, or if you were on a school trip, sleep over whatever. You will gain a love of The Book of Mormon during this time, and you will come to understand the teachings of Jesus Christ better. You will begin sincere kneeling by your bedside prayers, which will be great. You will take mission prep on a whim, thinking you might go on a mission, and then you did (see above). You will move out for a semester, and have awesome roommates, this will prepare you for the mission. I'm sure you will do lots of other things that will prepare you for where you are now. You are still doing things to prepare yourself for the future, what that future may entail. I don't know, but I'm sure it will be great.
*Who are my true friends?
This I'm not going to name names, I know who they are and you know them or will get to know them soon. But let me just say that you have great friends! They help you out. Keep you sane, unless we are all going crazy at the same time. They will laugh with you, cry with you, and just have fun.Yup, you have awesome friends and family!
As I read through these questions that I asked so many years ago, I smiled and had to answer them. It is pretty crazy to think where I am now compared to where I was then. It's all about perspective I guess. I'm extremely thankful that I found these and was able to answer them, it helped me feel better. It's been rough lately, I'm not sure why. But now I can see how much I really have grown, and how "this too shall pass."  I don't think men are the root of all problems any more, but I have some similar thoughts about other things, and recognize I need to change those thoughts. I need to keep an eternal perspective and just keep looking towards the future, do what is righteous and follow the teachings of Jesus. Cheesy? Maybe, but it's true.

Random stories

Yesterday (Sept. 25) I went with three friends from my singles ward to go and see a preview screening of The Saratov Approach in South Jordan; it was free if you printed out/saved on your smart phone a pass. They said to arrive early cause seating was open seating not assigned; it started at 7 so we figured an hour early would suffice. However when we got there we found out that you had to exchange the pass for tickets (one pass would get you two tickets) and they were sold out, because the tickets went on sale at 4, but that wasn't on the facebook or at least not made clear. We were obviously disappointed and sadly drove back to Provo. We decided to watch a movie and ended up decided upon a French film from the 70's entitled "Donkey Skin" that J. owned. B. and I were at first concerned about the title and vague discription from J. about what the movie was about, but after reading a description online we were both excited to see it. "Donkey Skin" is a fairy tale about a princess who receives help from her Godmother to disguise herself so she doesn't have to marry a man. The thing that sealed the deal for me was the fact that the movie was a musical (I LOVE musicals!).

Giving fair warning there will be a sort of 'spoiler alert' if you ever plan to watch the movie and don't want to know all the details skip this paragraph. The description was correct online, but didn't give all the details, such as the man she was avoiding marriage with was her father. You see as her mother lay dying she made her father (the king) vow to marry again, but only marry someone that was prettier than her (the queen). After many years of searching the king was lead back to his daughter who was surely prettier than the queen. He vowed to marry her (gross and wrong). The princess was confused as to whether or not she should, she knew she loved the king but didn't feel right about it (well, duh!). She went to her fairy godmother for advice and she made it clear to the princess that parents DO NOT marry their children and offered her help. After some ridiculous attempts to prevent the marriage ie. telling the king she would marry him only if he got her a dress the color of good weather (which he got), then the color of the moon (which he got), then the color of the sun (which he also got). Lastly she asked for the skin of the donkey; to back up a bit, the donkey "pooped" out coins and jewels similar to the goose that laid the golden egg. The king didn't want to give her the skin but he "loved" her so much that he gave her the skin of the donkey. Princess then disguises her self with the skin and the Fairy Godmother sends Princess now known as "Donkey Skin" to a faraway kingdom. There a prince finds her in her cottage all dressed up, he falls in love. Long story short they end up together through a Cinderella type story involving a ring. At their wedding, her father arrives with the fairy godmother via helicopter; What?!?! Yes, a helicopter that is correct. Apparently the fairy godmother is ahead of her time. Also she and the king get married. They all live happily ever after and they would "still be in love today if they hadn't died 100 years" after their wedding. The end. Like I said strange, but strangely fun and enjoyable. Her song is annoying a bit, but the prince has a fun song. I would say if you feel like a just plain goofy movie, go for it.

(9/26) Another random thought, we are now coming into sweater weather; although it warmed up this weekend. Thursday I was so cold, and I decided that it was a good day for soup. So that's what I had for lunch, yummy Zupa's peanut and chicken soup. I made a quick stop at Shopko's next to Zupa's in Orem, to get longer socks so my ankles wouldn't feel so cold. This is one of the hardest times of the year, it can be really cold in the morning so you bundle up and then it gets warm in the after noon and then you get too hot. Ah good ol' Utah weather, I've missed ya.

Funny story. Thursday while I was doing homework at school this girl was sitting near me and then this guy came over and sat next to her. He made several attempts to strike up a conversation, she was polite but gave short responses and never really turned to look at him. Finally he left, defeated. :( I had to smile though because I could easily hear their conversation and it reminded me of a BYU Divine Comedy skit "Subtitles" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYB3MYeB7Qc at least the first part; enjoy.

Yup that's some random fun stuff at the moment.

Moments with Missionaries

(Note this happened Sept 7-8)
This afternoon in Provo we suddenly got hit with quit the thunderstorm; strong winds, rain (coming down hard and in buckets), thunder/lightning. We had some excitement at home with water coming in our front door, so we were running and grabbing towels and my dad was mopping it up. Just after we finished that, we got a knock on the door. It was the elders, they had been walking and got caught in the cloud burst, they were DRENCHED! Of course we had them come in, got more towels, and had them dry off. We visited with them for a bit, cause their appointments had cancelled. It was so much fun. I know most returned missionaries say things like this, but man I love helping the missionaries, it brings back good memories, and I feel as if I am paying it forward for all the help I received on my mission. Plus it's fun to swap stories with them. One of the elders is quite the character and the other is fairly new, so they are an interesting pair; but we love having them in our area. They work hard and have a passion for the gospel. Plus, especially this experience reminds me of the many times we were caught in the rain in good ol' Oregon. :P

That night I went to the MTC to be an "investigator." It was so nice to feel the Spirit and to be taught the gospel in a very simple and sweet way. I had a couple of investigators I worked with on my mission in mind, but it sort of came out different, but it worked well. It was a really good experience, the elders were great. Being there in the TRC brought back a flood of memories from my experiences there as a missionary which was wonderful to remember. My favorite was when the elders shared their testimonies at the the end; brought such a strong Spirit.
Sunday night the elders had dinner with us and we had some really good discussions with them. I love the fire our elders have, they work hard and do great work.
So that was some fun moments with missionaries..a while ago.

Shopping at "Mom's Closet"

So this morning after getting ready for church at waiting for my ride to go to the relief society presidency meeting (last week I was called to be 2nd counselor) I was looking for something else through some of parent's things and stumbled upon a dress. It was a really cute and very retro/vintage/whatever you want to call it. But I mostly liked it cause of the deep blue color and the ruffle around the waist. Later I found out it was the dress my mom wore to my dad's graduation from BYU, I like that I can wear my mom's old clothes. I excitedly changed into and it fit perfectly...until I sat down. Then it was a little short on the knees and the buttons bunched up. After sitting through all of the presidency meeting like that, I knew I needed to fix it. I did not want to change, so I decided to try putting my black skirt over the top so it looked like a blouse, and it was just the right trick. Now I was modest, while still capturing the cuteness of the dress/now made blouse. Yeah for finding a new dress without spending money and technically it was found on Sunday but not breaking the Sabbath.
Here it is

Before I added the skirt. See it looks good, hitting just at the knees; but it hikes up and shows my garments when I'm sitting.

Added the skirt and ta-da! Although this picture doesn't do it justice cause the belt is at a funny spot I didn't realize.

I love my mom! I'm grateful for her example of living the gospel and accepting Heavenly Father's will and time. Is she perfect, no, but she strives to do what is right and that's what I love about her. 

As for life, it's GREAT! I am really enjoying school: all my professors seem pretty cool and more than willing to help us succeed. I especially like my anthropology professor and my acting professor, they are both laid back and very "real" with the class. My acting teacher is hilarious, but I love his honesty 'cause you can trust him to be "kind" (we had a whole discussion about the difference between nice and kind. Nice is praise not matter if it's good or bad; kind is looking for the good and constructive feed back so the we know how to improve), and you really can tell he has a passion for what he does. He is strange like you would expect a theater person to be, don't get me wrong, but he's not crazy. I think I like him cause he reminds me of my high school drama teacher Mr. Bauer, whom I really enjoyed; I think that is why I really like this class. Then my anthropology professor is a cool older guy that just likes teaching and having intellectual discussions. He doesn't care so much about assignments or grades as he does with helping us to see the world in a new light and appreciate the culture of others and really LEARN. 

 It feels really good to be back in school. I am thankful for the strength Heavenly Father has given and will continue to give as I am taking on more responsibility serving in the relief society presidency. Looking forward to the future and enjoying the present. :) Live, laugh and love life!

"It's our problem free University...the UVU!"

First day of school. It used to be excitement, nervousness, pictures before getting on the bus with new outfit and new backpack. Getting assigned cubby holes and desks, tour of the class room, games, and fun. Now that's it's been...a few years it is wake up with just enough time to get ready, quick hug good bye, drive yourself to school, find a place to park, rush to find your class before it starts, and your professor expects you to have an assignment pretty much finished next class. :D Yes I am a "freshman" in college, and these are the silly little amusing things that happened my first day.

Let me preface first by saying the night before school started I became extremely anxious and nervous about school. I was over thinking and getting stressed about how I was going to do it all. My dad gave me a blessing which was wonderful, then, yes, I did cry a bit, my parents cheered me up, and then to relieve the stress and unwind we watched The Prince of Egypt (such a good movie). I felt much better and slept really well. In the morning my nerves were had crept back a bit, but I was ready and excited. Bring it on!

My first class at 7am was English 2010 (intermediate writing). My professor seems pretty cool; very chill, and a desire to help his students have success. Silly story from the class: after we went around and learned everyone's names, one of the students said "Now we ain't strangers no more." and our professor cringed a bit. :P

I had an hour before my next class so I decided I needed to find it and then the class after that. I found them ok, but there is a large area to walk between my 2nd and 3rd class and only ten min to get from one to the other (that should be exciting to figure out the quickest way). After finding my classes I read a book until my class was supposed to start.

Welcome to Social Cultural Anthropology...or at least that's what was supposed to happen right? So it was one of those classes that gets broadcast to other locations, so as we were waiting for the class to start the guy in charge of tech was testing things out and making sure that all the different "classes" were present. Then we just sat there waiting for the professor to come. Waiting...waiting...15 min after the class should have started someone from one of the other classes came on the speaker asking if the tech was available. "Yes, I'm here" he responded.
"you know the professor is still in Peru, right?"
"Uh...no. No one tells me anything."
"Well you should see if he has anything already recorded and also get the syllabus."
"Ok. I'll be back in sec."
He left the room and came back a few minutes later. "So, there was nothing left for me and I couldn't find anything, so I guess just check on canvas (the online course center thing) and have a good day." We all left, and I was feeling amused, because you hear of classes being cancelled the day of in college, but I thought it was interesting the first day of school. :D

On to my next class: Fundamentals of Acting. This class was extremely entertaining. The professor reminds me of my high school drama teacher in a way, he is very patient, funny, honest (very honest), dramatic and witty. He really wants to build up his students and help them become "comfortable being uncomfortable." I really appreciated that thought and decided that is how I need to feel in life, not just acting. Because in life when I (and I'm sure others) become "comfortable" I start to get lazy or at least I realize I'm not growing. It is when we stretch (sometimes a little, sometimes a lot) and it starts to feel uncomfortable, is when we grow and progress. So "get comfortable feeling uncomfortable" it's a fact of life. :)
Other quotes from the professor: "Acting is just standing naked, and turning in a circle slowly"
"Uncomfortable is good, painful is not good"
He would like us to say (at least in our mind) "Nailed it!" after we perform, because it wants us to be excited and confident about our pieces. :D
I'm really excited for this class!

I am really thankful to be attending Utah Valley University because I have heard that they have a very good elementary education program and that is my major. I also want to go into special needs education, but that will be coming down the road. The title of this post comes from a BYU Divine Comedy Sketch entitled "The Cougar King" you kind find it on Youtube. I just thought it would be fun to add that in. :D

So that was my first day of officially being a college student in a nutshell. A side note: on my way home I passed an elementary school and TONS of the little kids on the playground we wearing neon t-shirts or pants. Now I personally don't like this neon trend going on, but it was really cute to see all the bright colors running around and I think just the grade school kids can where neon, but I'm not fashion expert. :P 

Dear Sarali,

Happy Birthday!!! 
I sure hope that even though you don't have to eat in heaven, that you at least get a brownie or a Ding-Dong (cause those haven't been resurrected yet...probably so you can have them on your birthday first).
I wanted to thank you for helping to convince me to go on a mission; I know you played a big part in it. Thanks for all your help on the mission. Sometimes I could really feel you near, but I knew you often, if not always, were by my side. You were in one my dreams a few weeks before I left and I cherish that dream. in the dream we were all home decorating for Christmas (although it was not anywhere near Christmas time in the "real world"), when suddenly we realized you weren't around. We looked around for you but couldn't find you. Then you came home, you had gone to the mall by yourself (I guess in the dream the mall was a lot closer to home). You were so excited because you bought Christmas presents for all of us by yourself. You got me a Beauty and the Beast snow-globe; it was beautiful. I just loved your excitement, you were always so excited to give (and get) presents; that's one thing I will never forget about you.
It is surprising how much more I miss you as time passes. You hear that "it gets easier with time" but I think it gets harder with time. I've been reading these blogs of parents who have lost young children and their experiences/thoughts/feelings/ and just life after their loss and I think they feel the same. I think it gets easier to cope with the pain of loss, but the loss becomes more apparent as time passes. Like when our sweet little nephew was born; you love babies and I know you would've been so excited to be an aunt. And also to have been at Nate and Frannie's wedding, you always loved weddings. Of course it was difficult to come home and you weren't there. Yes, I think one learns how to handle the hurt when it pops up, but it seems to pop up more as the time passes and the missing piece sticks out more, as more pieces are filled into the puzzle.
I am so grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ because it brings peace and hope. Through His sacrifice we will be a family forever through the power of the priesthood which seals us together. I know that you are not truly gone, just out of site. Many of the apostles have lost someone they love (a spouse or a child) and have repeatedly told us in conference that the veil is thin; Elder Richard G. Scott said in April 2012 "We can strengthen our relationship with the departed individual we love by recognizing that the separation is temporary and that covenants made in the temple are eternal." Peace filled my heart when he said that. I so desperately want to fill closer to you all the time; now I understand how and am striving do so. I know the rest of the family misses you too. You and grandma Beth, and uncle Bryce and all our other beloved family members who have gone on before; we miss you all. But comfort comes through prayer and the knowledge of the resurrection; strength to carry on comes through the power of the enabling power of the Atonement. Families are forever.
I know this may not flow well, or make much sense, they are just thoughts directed to you this day.
I love you whole bunches!!!
Love,
Lena-Bena
PS We are eating Laffy-Taffy's and I am wearing purple just for you.

Start

Today we had a family party with my dad's side of the family at our house. We played in the pool, ate food and caught up. My cousin Christen told me I should start a blog, and I have been considering it for a while (I read several other people's blogs, including Christen's) so it I decided "why not?" This isn't blog about anything in particular, it will probably be random posts about whatever I've been thinking about. A month ago I returned home from the Oregon Portland Mission, so I have a feeling several of my posts will be about my gospel related studies. "I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I know who I am, I know God's plan, I'll follow Him in faith. I believe in the Savior Jesus Christ, I'll honor His name. I'll do what is right, I'll follow His light, His truth I will proclaim" (Children's song book, page 77). A simple song that primary children sing/yell tells all that I believe and strive to do in a very basic summary. I've said it on Facebook and on my mormon.org profile that "my life centers around my love of family, friends, and my Savior."
I have wonderful parents, an angel sister, an awesome brother and his sweet wife and their adorable seven month old baby boy. My dad has 8 siblings, my mom has 2 and then 7 more step siblings; so my extended family is quite large. My family means the world to me. My favorite part about God's plan for us is that families can be together forever. Through the power of the priesthood (literally "the power and authority [of God] given to man to act in God's name for the salvation of His children" Preach My Gospel (PMG)Ch.3 Lesson 5) a husband and wife can be "sealed" together with their children and they will be together for eternity. 
At the party today two of my dad's siblings were there plus some cousins (it was not even close to half of the Robbins family), it was a lot of fun!
Well it is late and I don't need to tell you all about my self and all about what I believe tonight so I think I will stop now. Thanks for reading. :) If you would like to learn more about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (commonly referred to as the "mormon" church) check out mormon.org.