So I have been feeling rather...blah lately. I don't know why, I going to say some of it is because I am a girl, and there are things that can be out of our control at times, which is lame, but just keep going. It is so much more difficult coming home after the mission than I thought it would be. Going from a spiritual high and having a companion, to a spiritual roller coaster and no companion. It's not as easy to study the scriptures, and praying was even a struggle for a bit (I do both, but for quite a while it was just going through the motion and getting no nourishment from it); thankfully I feel as if I have pushed passed a barrier and praying feels like I am talking to a dear wise friend and Father again. Improving scripture study is my next goal.
Here's the deal, I have several friends on missions, a couple of former companions and then some friends from school. I get their e-mails and I beat myself up because they are much better missionaries than I ever was. But that is Satan talking. I know I was a good missionary, I did my best and strove to be obedient. When I came home and was released my stake president asked me to share my thoughts and feelings about my mission. I said something along the lines of "it was great, and I loved it. Of course there are things I wish I could have done better, but I guess that's how things go." etc. He let me finish and then he looked me in the eyes and said, "I know that you were a successful missionary and a good missionary. And I am not just saying that, the Spirit has testified to me that you were a successful missionary. Don't focus on the 'regrets." I cried, expressed gratitude and felt better. But after a bit, I continued to beat myself up. All I could thing of was the investigators we lost, the ones that stopped talking to us, the ones that called and told us not to come back, the less actives that never came back to church. It was overwhelming. It was not smart. Satan is just so good and pecking at our weak spots. He is a jerk, and he knows it, and he doesn't care.
BUT GUESS WHAT?!?!?!
GOD WINS!!!!!!
He wins! He will always win. He has won! I just need to continue to remind myself of this. Any way, I decided tonight that I need to re-read some of my emails so I skimmed through and chose this one (see below), and it was just what I needed to read. Funny how my missionary self, can make my current self feel better.
Here is the e-mail, yes it's long and this post is already long. Feel free to skim it if you want.
The e-mail is from February 22, 2012
Dearest Family and Friends,
Charles is "talking like a mormon" yup it's true, he gave a us the name of friend we could maybe go and "tract into" and said he didn't live in our ward boundries though and then he stopped and asked "did I just say ward? I'm talking like a mormon." Yes he is, and it's great. Sister Wahlquist and I just love him. plus isn't it awesome that he gave us the name of friend, and he bore his testimony to that friend about how God and the mormon religion has helped him in is life. How awesome is he?
Sorry this is so late, we had a sisters activity Monday, yesterday we aren't sure what happened but the day just flew by with awesome-ness which brings us to today, finally. I feel like last week was ages ago and I can't seem to think of a specific spiritual experiences at the moment....It was a really great week though, with lots of awesome stuff that happened like Lynn came to church which you'll read about in a moment. (my fingers get cold when I type) Also I just have to tell you this super funny experience. We tracted Sister Wahlquist's "someday house" we'll go running by this house in the morning and usually there is the older gentleman sitting outside with crazy long white hair smoking a cigarettte and some other characters once and while. Sister Wahlquist planned to "someday" tract them and "someday" finally came. We met Bruce a true hippie, who went to Woodstock and is planning a bigger and better woodstock that will be "BEAUTIFUL" according to him. He was really nice and great, we think he kept proposing to us and he told me I had lips like Angilina Jolee, which made me laugh. But he was really great and had a good testimony of God and took a Book of Mormon, not sure if he'll read it or even if he understood what we said about it, but he liked talking to us and we succedded in "someday" tracting.
Sister Wahlquist and I got to speak in the first ward which was interesting because Igancio was there for the first time, he's gonna think we run the show (we teach him lessons, we speak in sacrament meeting..oh well) We talked about missionary work (go figure) and I didn't feel prepared at all, but it's amazing how the Spirit can work with your ramblings and helps those listening learn what they need to learn. One thing that was a focus was do your visiting and home teaching that is your mission call and it is the Lord's inspired way to take care of His flock. There are many promised blessings as you do, one is that you will be keeping the second and great commandment, Love thy nieghbor as thyself. Which also brings up a good point, love yourself, don't be selfish, but you have to love yourself. Don't let Satan get you down. Don't ever think you aren't worthy to pray, don't ever think that you aren't good enough to go to church, don't ever think Heavenly Father doesn't want you to read the scriptures esepcailly the Book of Mormon, that is all Satan.
Here is the letter to president
Last week we taught Blake and Chelsea Crum about tithing and they are planning to start paying it; he just got a new job and he recognizes it as a blessing for going to church and putting for that effort. We've starting teaching David's mom, Katerina, she is great. She really wants to start going back to church and she brought up tithing while we were teaching her the restoration and she has a strong testimony of it's power and she wants to start paying it again as well as coming back to church. We taught David the gospel of Jesus Christ. We taught a former investigator who was not interested at all in taking lessons again and she got a little contentious; luckily we had a great member present who helped cool things down and Sister Wahlquist was inspired to testify of Christ and then say a prayer and leave. Charles is still awesome; we read 2 Nephi 29 with him and he really enjoyed it. We committed him to prepare for our next lesson by preparing a brief talk to give to us about the restoration; cause he really just needs to understand how much he does know so that he can rely on that knowledge no matter what happens. Ignacio and Madilyn are doing great, we had a really good lesson with them where we read 3 Nephi 17 and answered questions they had about The Book of Mormon and church. He came to church on Sunday, he enjoyed it and plans to come back with his whole family. YEAH! They also felt more comfortable with baptism and set a date for March 24. Lynn came to church!!! She has been investigating the church since fall of 2009 and hasn't ever come to church and this week Heavenly Father made it possible for her to come and centered the whole meeting around her, down to the bread being late so she wouldn't miss the opening hymn when her ride was late. She got a priesthood blessing and in Sunday School we were taught about fasting and prayer and she now plans to fast for her answer. It is so amazing to watch how the Lord works with people, we truly don't do anything, he does it all and he allows us to be a part of His miraculous work. We had an interesting lesson with Melissa Baldwin, she couldn't seem to focus on anything so we read a couple verses in the Book of Mormon, recited the young women's theme, and sang a primary song. She is truly desires to follow Christ, but she is having a lot of struggles emotionally and doesn't ever come to church, sadly. We taught a workshop for the 2nd wards youth leadership training for the presidencies on how they as youth can do missionary work; it went really well and hopefully the youth will feel more comfortable with sharing the gospel. We didn't teach Kevin Schwam this week but he did come to church for all three hours which was great. Sister Schumtz is back in town and she is doing really well, we taught her the law of Chastity. We've started teaching a former investigator Connie Owens again we've taught her the plan of salvation the gospel of Jesus Christ, she gets rather argumentative during lessons, but is always very respectful. The Gonzales family is doing better, we taught them about how they can sing hymns when they start to get angry or other bad thing come up. We also visited and taught brief lessons to some less actives, part member families, and member referrals lessons this week. It was a great week.
Sister Wahlquist and I have been trying to keep our thoughts focused on the work and the needs of our investigators and it really seems to be helping, although there is always room for improvement. She is great and I love her dearly. She is a great example to me and a great leader. Our morning studies are a really nice because we talk about the needs of our investigators and how experiences we've had can help them. My testimony is always strengthened after morning studies.
I've been starting to study the atonement because as it says in Preach My Gospel as your understanding of the atonement increases so will your desire to share the gospel. It's been a great study so far; the atonement is something you can always go deeper on and we will still never understand while in this life. I have a goal to testify to everyone, and it is something that I need to improve upon, but when I do testify I can feel the spirit guiding my words and confirming the truth to those listening, it is wonderful.
I LOVE you all!!! The church is true, don't ever forget that, and hold to the rod.
Love Sister Robbins
