Tonight I was going through some old journals reminiscing a little mostly just curious what I wrote when I was younger. Two things I want to share:
First, the first line of a journal entry said "I think I am becoming a feminist because it seems to be that the root of all problems are men." I laughed a TON when I read this. I must have been in a really bad mood when I wrote that. I am not a feminist. Sure I believe in women's rights, and treating them with respect and that women can do a lot of things that. However I think that chivalry is important, if a man is willing to open a door for a women, hold their things, and help them in various ways, than let them. I don't feel as if I need the priesthood to make me feel equal to men in the church. I know that that women and men receive the same beautiful blessings, if they are faithful. I wish I could go back and tell myself "that men are NOT 'the root of all problems' and that you are not a feminist."
Second I found some questions that made me smile. I asked these questions not sure when, I think from young women's sometime. Probably beehives, judging by the handwriting. The entry is titled "Questions about my life I will answer later." Well later is now, so here you are younger me, answers to these questions.
*Will I go on a mission?
Yes, past self, you will. You will serve in the Oregon Portland mission from December 2011-June 2013 and you will love it! It will be the hardest thing you have ever done, and you will miss your family like crazy, but you will love it! You will meet amazing people who will change your life, you will have companions that become sisters, you will knock on hundreds of doors and get hundreds of no's but several "yes's." you will see miracles and you will be a part of some of those miracles, you will laugh, you will cry, you will feel exhausted a lot of the time, but it will all be worth it! It will a great time of your life! Your testimony will grow in leaps and bonds and you will gain a greater appreciation for your family specifically your parents. Yes, young Lena, you will love your mission and be ever thankful you served.
(On a side note, I NEVER planned on serving a mission, so I'm not sure why I asked that question. However it's interesting that I did ask it. I'm really glad I served, and I'm glad that the Spirit finally convinced me too.)
*What will I do when I grow up?
Well at the moment you are planning on doing what you've always wanted to do, teach. You are going to school at UVU in your second semester. You were going to be a theater teacher, but switched back to elementary ed. You also want to teach special education, but UVU doesn't offer that degree, so your planning on lots of school to do it. Just keep going, school isn't easy, but it's worth it...right? :)
*Why do I act the way I do sometimes?
I'm not sure what you mean by this question, but I think I understand, sometimes you do stupid things, and make mistakes. Sometimes you get really excited about something and end up acting a little wild. That's ok. It's you. You aren't perfect, but you are striving to become better just as the gospel of Jesus Christ teaches. Just remember that you are a daughter of Heavenly Father, He loves you very much. Because you are His daughter, you are a Princess, and if you are faithful you have the promise of becoming a Queen. You have the power within you to do great things, and with God, nothing is impossible; remember that. If you do stupid things, don't forget about the power of the Atonement, through it you can be cleansed; and your stupidity will be forgotten, at least by Heavenly Father. You will have to suffer consequences, but you will learn from them and become better. Don't worry about what others think about you, it doesn't matter. And you will have to work on this, continually, even now. Just be good, choose the right, serve others, and you will be just fine.
*What will I do now to prepare for the future?
I'm not sure what exactly you did then to prepare for the future, but I can think of a few things. You finally decided it was time to read the scriptures on your own every day no matter what, and you did just that your senior year of high school. You would read every night a few verses, no matter how late it was, or if you were on a school trip, sleep over whatever. You will gain a love of The Book of Mormon during this time, and you will come to understand the teachings of Jesus Christ better. You will begin sincere kneeling by your bedside prayers, which will be great. You will take mission prep on a whim, thinking you might go on a mission, and then you did (see above). You will move out for a semester, and have awesome roommates, this will prepare you for the mission. I'm sure you will do lots of other things that will prepare you for where you are now. You are still doing things to prepare yourself for the future, what that future may entail. I don't know, but I'm sure it will be great.
*Who are my true friends?
This I'm not going to name names, I know who they are and you know them or will get to know them soon. But let me just say that you have great friends! They help you out. Keep you sane, unless we are all going crazy at the same time. They will laugh with you, cry with you, and just have fun.Yup, you have awesome friends and family!
As I read through these questions that I asked so many years ago, I smiled and had to answer them. It is pretty crazy to think where I am now compared to where I was then. It's all about perspective I guess. I'm extremely thankful that I found these and was able to answer them, it helped me feel better. It's been rough lately, I'm not sure why. But now I can see how much I really have grown, and how "this too shall pass." I don't think men are the root of all problems any more, but I have some similar thoughts about other things, and recognize I need to change those thoughts. I need to keep an eternal perspective and just keep looking towards the future, do what is righteous and follow the teachings of Jesus. Cheesy? Maybe, but it's true.
